RIP Chuck Taylor

chuck

First off, I don’t even know who Chuck Taylor is.  I guess I should, but that would require either:

a)  Executing a cheap google search that would simply lead to a crappy Wikipedia entry of dubious accuracy and/or quality, or

2)  Accessing the deep recesses of my increasingly faulty internal memory banks to try to remember what is was like in the “good ole days” and why I used to care.

Instead, I will just lay out the story simply and quickly, and then you can figure out how much older I’ve become.

As many of you know (and probably lots more don’t), I usually treat myself to a foo-f00 coffee on the way to work most Friday mornings.  Most of the time I try to leave the house a little bit early to make up for the delay along the way, but today I actually left later than usual, with the very predictable result of longer lines in the shop and heavier traffic on the interstate afterwards since every other Muggle in existence seemed to have gotten a delayed start to their Friday morning like me.

Whatever.  Work will wait, I know.

While standing in line waiting for my beverage, I noticed a young lady amongst the throng of other  customers also waiting for their (to me) indecipherable specialty drinks, and she was wearing a pair of high-top Converse Chuck Taylor basketball shoes. 

I happen to be familiar with these shoes because:

a)  I used to own several pairs myself from the ages of 8-14 or so — you know, back when they were actually used for athletic events, and

2)  I’ve seen Daughter wear some version of the same footwear around the house on occasion. 

I must say that my first-hand exposure to Chuck Taylors in my youth was when they were pretty much considered the de rigueur basketball shoe back in the day.  Owning a pair of Chuck Taylors was something every young kid aspired to, and an especially sought after color was Carolina Blue. 

On the other side of the tracks, the lesser, uncool kids had to make do with shoes from Kinney’s or Sears or, God forbid, Montgomery Ward.  Don’t ask me how I know.

Just google those stores if you’ve never heard of them.

I seem to remember a real battle for supremacy in the athletic shoe market took place at some point between increasingly upscale Converse and ProKeds.  I could only afford the Keds, and I used to own a pair (factory blems, mind you) of suede ProKeds that not only weighed about twenty pounds each, but were also nuclear fallout-proof. 

They were rugged. 

I eventually gave them away when,  after years of ownership, they simply never wore out.  Their real fault was that they smelled bad and had fallen out of style. 

Canvas Chuck Taylors still survived, of course, and periodically I still wore them, but time was beginning to pass them by since the 800-pound Nike gorilla had entered the scene and was beginning its long, inexorable march to market domination.

Side Note:  When Nike first appeared, my friends and I didn’t know if the brand was cool or not (we hadn’t been bludgeoned by their marketing yet), and none of us knew how to pronounce the name.

Nowadays, Chuck Taylors have become some kind of “street cred” fashion statement, and I’m sure most of the punks kids wearing them know nothing of their long and storied sporting history. 

As for myself, I no longer care what brand of athletic shoe I wear, as long as they are comfortable.  Good grief, three layers of tissue paper have more cushioning than Chuck Taylor soles, after all. 

So, I figure I can talk reasonably intelligently about three types of shoes at the next holiday party I attend (Yes, maybe I’ll be invited to one this year.  Who knows?):  Chuck Taylors, loafers, and espadrilles. 

Well, I really don’t know anything about espadrilles, but I do remember a creative writing instructor in college using the term in one of his short stories and me thinking, “How the hell does he know anything about women’s shoes, and I need to get some more life experience.”

And platform shoes.  I can talk about platform shoes, I think. 

The irony is that now that I can afford basically any Chuck Taylor version out there, I don’t care to wear them anymore.  I know they would hurt my feet, and other Muggles might think I’m pretending to be seventeen years old or something. 

Sorry, Chuck.  But the good new is that googling you is on my “to-do” list this weekend. 

– Dad

Practical Karma

brokenstring

A couple of days ago at work, someone mentioned that the house next to their’s was almost burgled this week.  It seems a bunch of nefarious guys (four of them, actually) in a black Camry made the mistake of parking in front of my co-worker’s house, where most of the following saga was ultimately captured by his outside garage security camera.

After posting a lookout across the street, the remaining three miscreants banged on the front door of the adjacent home, apparently thinking it was empty since it was, after all, mid-afternoon.

And this is where it gets interesting.

Turns out someone was, in fact, at home.  The owner was simply upstairs and didn’t feel like answering the door.  (Hmmm.  I often feel like that.)

The bad guys then figured it was okay to carry on, and they proceeded to try to break in through the front door, whereby the owner then realized what was happening and began to scream and shout and ultimately phone the police.

The result was predictable.  Said bad men high-tailed it for their Japanese beater and fled the subdivision post-haste.  Cop Cars and Cop Helicopters were called in, to no avail, and everyone lived to fight another day.

The good news was nothing was stolen and no one was hurt for once.  The bad news was, of course, there’s a still criminal-filled, crappy Camry out there prowling our streets looking for an easier mark for their next go-round.

After hearing this story, I regaled him back with a counter-tale.  I recalled my own break-in experience when someone broke into my old pickup truck here about eight years ago and stole all the change out of the console — maybe $3.27 or so.  However, the thief (or thieves) left behind a nice stereo, a $300 custom cover, a radar detector, and various CDs covering many musical periods (some good, some bad).

I wondered if, perhaps, the interloper wasn’t an ABBA fan and took pity on me.  Then, again, perhaps he was an ABBA fan and decided not to clean me out.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, he left the ABBA’s Greatest Hits CD behind.

Or perhaps he was just unexpectedly interrupted during the deed and bailed as quickly as possible.

Who knows?

Whatever the reason, I felt fortunate because my truck hadn’t been completely trashed and the stolen goods haul could have been much worse.

Never at a loss to turn pseudo-tragedy into a teaching moment with the kids, my story to them was that “someone clearly needed the change in the truck more than I did” and that “things always work out in the end,” even though the episode sucked wasn’t pleasant.

It’s all about Karma, after all.

That may not seem like a big deal, but what my kids don’t know about me is why I like to keep a bunch of change in my cars.

Because it makes me feel rich.

Why?  I feel like I’ve spent so many years of my life returning bottles for deposits at the grocery store to obtain that $2 or $3 extra every couple of weeks, that having a pile of coins at my disposal these days feels absolutely regal in comparison.

Silly, but true.

So the theft of my truck stash wasn’t as trivial as it might have seemed, because it was a blow to my deep-seated need to hoard pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters.

Brushing it off was kind of a big deal in some ways then, but I figured Karma was at work and I would emerge the better for the experience.

Fast forward ten years, and different but related subject.

I haven’t paid for a haircut in a very long time.  My Lovely Spouse shaves my head styles what’s left of my hair on a semi-regular basis.  It is this same Loving Spouse who has draped me with potions, talismans, and all manner of herbs, stones, and minerals to better my general health and alter my specific curmudgeonly disposition.

So earlier this week as she was finishing up the latest home barbershop episode, My Better Half accidentally cut through my string necklace upon which is hung a couple of Stonehenge-like objects that Give Me Peace and Provide Me Balance during the course of my Daily Trip (dot com) with other Muggles.

She cut through my Good Luck Charm!

Not only was the necklace severed, when it dropped to the floor one of the attached precious stones shattered on the floor.

I was aghast.

What was going to happen next?

More termites in the house?  Major sprinkler system flood?  Daughter finds a job/career?   (Wait. That’s a good thing.)  Wildfires?  New Ice Age? Sickness in the Home?

I mean the possibilities are endless.

“Oh, no,” I shrieked.

Well, I didn’t shriek, but I was shocked.  “What’s going to happen now?” I wondered aloud.

Her response?

“You didn’t need it anymore.  It’s Karma.”

And, of course, as is true most of the time around here, she was right.

So she quickly tied a new knot and re-hung was what left of the talisman around my neck.

I suppose my choice was to bitch and moan about what was lost, or recover quickly and realize everything works out in the end anyway.

The proof was in the “sports pudding” in the ensuing days, because that’s typically how I measure myself — sad but true.

Anyway, I had one of my best shooting days in recent memory on the basketball court not a day later, and I almost broke 80 on the golf course today, as well.

Oh, right.  I should add that my family is relatively happy and relatively healthy, to boot.

So all’s well that ends well.

Yep.  I believe in Karma, but I still like keeping lots of change in my vehicles, too.

Namaste.

– Dad

I Will Not Be Playing in the British Open

cartoon finger

Almost two weeks ago now, I thought I broke my right index finger.

I went to the gym at lunch to play basketball the day before the Fourth of July, half expecting no one to be there since I figured most of the guys would have started the holiday early.  As it turned out, there was a solid collection of the better crappy players I run with, and we were able to get in three games (my limit).  Near the end of the third match, the dude guarding me, who happened to tower a foot taller, took a swipe at the ball just as I was releasing a three-point shot.

The good news was I made the bucket.  The bad news was the defender’s hand caught my finger and I immediately ran off the court and out of the gym in agony.

My language was not the best, either, I must admit, but I didn’t scream like a girl.

More like a guy, I suppose.

My first concern was determining if my finger was broken.  Given my extensive medical experience from watching many years of M*A*S*H, St. Elsewhere, and ER, I quickly surmised there was no break.  Aiding in this diagnosis was that fact I could still move the digit relatively easily.

I knew, unfortunately, that in many respects a break would have been better than torn ligaments or a bad sprain, simply because the latter two injuries take so much longer to heal.

I also knew that whatever pain I was feeling at the moment would be ten times worse later, so I figured I would go ahead and jump back in the game and finish it out.

After all, what am I saving it for?  I don’t expect to get drafted for the NBA next year.

Sure enough, the next morning I could barely move my finger.  From the swelling I guessed it was a bad sprain, and adhering to my own personal rallying cry of “No Professionals!”, I also chose not to go through the hassle of visiting a medical professional to verify the problem.

I was willing to visit a Dog Scientist or Local Witch Doctor, however, but none were available that day for this particular Muggle.

So I soldiered down my lonely path of pain and discontent.

One of the things that really, really sucks is disheartening about getting old is that I no longer bounce back from injuries after a couple of days and a good night’s sleep.  When I get hurt these days, I know I’m embarking on days and weeks of incremental healing.

Perhaps the greatest challenge on the road to recovery is, of course, I still want to play while I’m getting better.  Unfortunately, two serious consequences result.  First, I usually suffer a re-injury, which delays the healing process even longer.  Second, I typically play like shi   don’t play very well, having to compensate for my grievous condition.

“Hey, your shot was off today.”

“It’s because only three fingers on my right hand work.”

“Well, I don’t think we’re going to pick you for this next game.”

“I can still play defense,” I reply.

“Like I said, I don’t think we’re going to pick you for this next game.”

In the world of street basketball, scoring is valued above all other qualities, with the exception, perhaps, of being able to dunk.  Actually, now that I think about it, dunking pretty much trumps everything else, so I take back what I wrote about scoring.

So here I find myself two weeks later with a still-swollen finger.  Not only is my jump shot suspect, I can’t play golf either, because that requires holding a club semi-properly.

My world is shrinking!

However, there are two things that I can manage pretty easily, bum finger or no.  I can adequately grip a kitty litter scoop, which enables me to clean the cat boxes (because, God knows, Daughter rarely does it).

And I can hold the dog’s leash.

I suppose that’s one vision of my athletic future:  walking the dog and lifting cat litter bins.

And watching golf on television.

Nah.

I’ll be back.  I’m not ready to hang it up yet.

Almost, but not quite.

– Dad

Bad, Daughter! Bad!

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“Where’s the coffee? Give me coffee!”

Apparently, Daughter and I will be embarking on yet another Epic Road Trip in approximately 30 days. 

What goes to the East Coast eventually must come back. 

I have it on Good Authority (the AAA Route Planning Lady who provided TripTiks for our original journey) that we will absolutely, definitely not encounter snow anywhere along our path in mid-May, unless we take a detour through Canada — which, by the way, we may end up doing if we have to depend on either my defective Tom-Tom or Daughter’s defective iPhone Maps app. 

“Dad, this road doesn’t exist on my phone.  We’re in another dimension.”

Yep.  I’m looking forward to that again, all righty. 

And that AAA Lady?  To quote her words to me in early January:  “I’ve looked at the ten-day forecast and you will have smooth sailing all the way.”

Two snow day delays later had me looking for her business card to make sure I avoided her travel advice in the future at all costs.

But our return trip, no matter how exciting it may turn out to be, is in quiet jeopardy today, because it is completely dependent on Daughter’s planning and responsiveness, especially to Yours Truly.

We have texted (not talked) about tentative travel dates or, rather, Daughter’s determination to depart from her Lesbian Cult College as soon as is practical this semester, but I find it very challenging to make arrangements when the responses from the other end are episodic, at best, and completely absent, at worst. 

I’m not sure exactly what kind of higher education she’s receiving, but if her blog posts are anywhere near accurate, she has replaced the contact sport of Varsity Soccer with Muggle Bar Pinball.  Given the lack of overt communication with me, Daughter’s posts are a frightening scary pathetic insightful look into the workings of the Modern College Female.

So, Daughter, I’ve got a medical appointment on the 13th.  That means I can fly out on the 14th.  As far as I’m concerned, if you have the truck packed up you can meet me at the airport and we can launch from there.  If not, we will leave bright and early on the 15th, and we will stop for your last cup of East Coast foo-foo coffee on the way out of town. 

I have planned for you to read to out loud to me for most mornings, beginning with Paradise Lost, and ending with Heart of Darkness.  I have also chosen some selections from My Losing Season, my all-time favorite book about basketball, for those times we find ourselves in the endless plains of Kansas, dodging tornadoes and flying cows.

Because like good literature, basketball heals all things. 

In the meantime, Daughter, please answer my texts, or write me an email, or even, God Forbid, give me a call on a real, live telephone. 

I look forward to talking to you.  I think you know my number!

Namaste!

– Dad

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