Every night before I go to bed, I try to pick out an outfit that has the possibility of being adorable. Usually, it’s dress and often, it is accessorized with strategically-placed jewelry, headbands, etc. However, my optimism the night before is never matched by my morning state.

I wake up bleary-eyed and scraggly-tailed (the exact opposition of “bright-eyed and bushy-tailed”) and completely throw out the outfit because ultimately, I decide putting on that outfit requires too much of me. I seriously wish I could have someone dress me, Marie Antoinette style where each of my minions have a certain item of clothing they must put on/take off. Life would be easier. I would just try to avoid the end fate of having my head cut off.

I digress.

This reluctance to put together outfits gets worse during the colder seasons because it takes all of my strength to strip off my warm sleeping clothes to change into whatever heinous, ill-conceived outfit I thought up in a fit of delirium the night before.

I wait to get changed until the last second but, eventually, real life dictates that I put on clothes that do not qualify as sleepwear. But I do my damnedest to get as close to I can to pajamas and toe that line like a true rebel. (But not like a French revolutionary because I’m Marie Antoinette.)

Clothes that I do choose in the morning include, but are not limited to:

• leggings (they may not be pants but my legs can’t tell the difference)
• scarves (it’s like having a blanket perma-snuggling your neck)
• worn-in, possibly stained, shirt
• messy side bun that looks like the vestiges of my parasitic twin I partially absorbed in the womb
• grandma underwear (because, comfort)
• shoes that have seen better, shinier days
• clownish make-up because of the poor lighting in my room that makes the brightest of red lipsticks look natural and right

Also, the earlier in the day I get up, the worse I tend to look, feel, and act. So, Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I unfortunately must get up in the pre-dawn hours, I tend to take the path of least resistance in the morning – aka, lazy dress.

I’m not even sorry.

– Daughter